Flightless Birds

The prodigal tears ran down

So quickly before I could exhale

And everything in me curled up

In desperation and mixed thoughts.

I was falling,

I was losing hold of my world

Of control…

As I sat there fighting hard,

Playing past memories in mind

So quickly, looking for answers,

And finally having an understanding…

As I sat here listening to him,

All I could really feel,

I mean that I could genuinely say

That I felt and thought…

Was pity!

I felt pity!

My eyes brimmed and clouded

Then my cheeks felt the waterfalls.

I felt pity even though I was hurt?

Let me leave…

There is this song,

When I listen to it and I mean each time I do,

I am torn between a million feelings.

They are feelings that I have felt before

Or I might have felt

Or that I will feel…

See! It is a complicated feeling!

But this song,

Puts me in the state I want to always be

Just floating around with the tunes,

Dying to understand each sound.

You know, I am not sad neither am I happy.

I am in my space, with my peace

Where sounds trigger memories

That I never took time to appreciate.

So, I listen to this song each time

Just to admit to these feelings

Over and over and over and over again.

Because I belong to them.

Let the ink dry…

I write so that I do not forget.

Although I am in pain,

I do not want to forget

Not even the tiniest detail.

So I write it all down.

I even write in codes these days

So that reading them is easier 

I write that I miss you so much,

That I still cry when I think of you,

That my heart hurts and my head aches

Because I truly miss your warmth,

Your smile and the sounds you make.

I write so that I would not hurt as much

Even though I am in pain,

I am comforted, I am at ease

Since I will not forget 

Not even the tiniest detail.

Heavy Heart!

Suddenly sound returned to my ears

And I awakened to reality again.

His eyes seemed heavy and dull

Like he would cry and I hoped he would not.

I knew what was happening,

I figured what words would come next.

I should have left right then,

I could have mumbled something, 

Just to stop that moment.

But he said it and I heard him loudly!

Everyone must have heard him!

Then my heart sank and my eyes dropped.

I could not be stopped,

I should have held myself closely,

But instead I wept!

I clung to my chest and let the tears roll

As I repeated his words in my head.

Black Magic

I watched him crumble before her,

It was like he was melting away right there.

He had such a weak heart, 

I had read him all wrong.

She barely did anything to him

But her stare got his emotions intertwined 

His feelings scattered and splattered, 

I watched as he shrunk before her

Once again failing and falling to her charms.

She was not good for him!

She was not bad for him!

I could not reach out to save him,

I could not burn at this point!

So I watched him slowly dissolve before my eyes

Flowing back into her arms

Slowly dragging his way back to her love.

Dark Flutters

Should I say that It is so sad these days,

And that even those fun moments 

Do not mean anything anymore.

I sit here all day

Reading sad words repeatedly 

Imagining myself in those scenes,

Then I would cry into the mirror

Just to see the tears run down my red cheeks.

I am not sad at all

If that is what you think, no!

I am too happy you know

Because there is a future 

And I know nothing about it

Then it makes my heart so empty.

That is why I look at these words,

Replay those scenes pretending it is real

And then I watch myself cry.

I am way too happy, right?

If we could fall in love?

I would love to stop thinking about you.

It would make me so happy 

If I am able to rid myself of feelings

And any thoughts relating to you.

I could never say all these to your face.

See! That is my problem.

Actually , it is my problem.

Since you never knew these feelings,

That these thoughts about you,

You never knew they even existed.

So I could never say these to your face,

But I am tired of loving you.

I am tired of laughing to your jokes.

I am tired of being the third wheel.

If you can not realize you have feelings,

That is if you even have feelings for me…

Then I will be gone!

Maybe I could stop thinking of you

Then just maybe I could actually be happy.

Fractions

You say it like it is bad,

But I have never asked much of you.

You make me look terrible,

But I only want to be good for you.

Do you expect me to be a friend?

I could not bear being your friend.

Do you expect me to be a shrink?

I could not listen to his name again.

Just let me watch over you,

To treat you as you truly deserve.

Just let me be there for you,

Genuinely because I really care.

Let me watch over you this once,

Just because…

If we could fall in Love?

I would love to stop thinking about you.

It would make me so happy 

If I am able to rid myself of feelings

And any thoughts relating to you.

I could never say all these to your face.

See! That is my problem.

Actually , it is my problem.

Since you never knew these feelings,

That these thoughts about you,

You never you they even existed.

So I could never say these to your face,

But I am tired of loving you.

I am tired of laughing to your jokes.

I am tired of being the third wheel.

If you can not realize you have feelings,

That is if you even have feelings for me…

Then I will be gone!

Maybe I could stop thinking of you

Then just maybe I could actually be happy.

I will run to you…

I am not an angry man, neither am I petty.

I just hate that she is so happy.

Look at her laughing,

It is like she is mocking me again and again.

I get chills just looking at her

From across where I sit.

How could she torture me this way?

What crime did I commit in my past life?

I know I do not deserve this unhappiness.

But I am still looking at her,

Watching her lips stretch out into that smile

And her entire head wobble to the laughter.

My anger melts at an instant

Because I am glad that she is happy.

I hope that she remains happy.

I wish she keeps smiling just like that.

I would live my life just watching her.

Always!