Let the ink dry…

I write so that I do not forget.

Although I am in pain,

I do not want to forget

Not even the tiniest detail.

So I write it all down.

I even write in codes these days

So that reading them is easier 

I write that I miss you so much,

That I still cry when I think of you,

That my heart hurts and my head aches

Because I truly miss your warmth,

Your smile and the sounds you make.

I write so that I would not hurt as much

Even though I am in pain,

I am comforted, I am at ease

Since I will not forget 

Not even the tiniest detail.

Heavy Heart!

Suddenly sound returned to my ears

And I awakened to reality again.

His eyes seemed heavy and dull

Like he would cry and I hoped he would not.

I knew what was happening,

I figured what words would come next.

I should have left right then,

I could have mumbled something, 

Just to stop that moment.

But he said it and I heard him loudly!

Everyone must have heard him!

Then my heart sank and my eyes dropped.

I could not be stopped,

I should have held myself closely,

But instead I wept!

I clung to my chest and let the tears roll

As I repeated his words in my head.

Black Magic

I watched him crumble before her,

It was like he was melting away right there.

He had such a weak heart, 

I had read him all wrong.

She barely did anything to him

But her stare got his emotions intertwined 

His feelings scattered and splattered, 

I watched as he shrunk before her

Once again failing and falling to her charms.

She was not good for him!

She was not bad for him!

I could not reach out to save him,

I could not burn at this point!

So I watched him slowly dissolve before my eyes

Flowing back into her arms

Slowly dragging his way back to her love.

Fractions

You say it like it is bad,

But I have never asked much of you.

You make me look terrible,

But I only want to be good for you.

Do you expect me to be a friend?

I could not bear being your friend.

Do you expect me to be a shrink?

I could not listen to his name again.

Just let me watch over you,

To treat you as you truly deserve.

Just let me be there for you,

Genuinely because I really care.

Let me watch over you this once,

Just because…

Just let me in…

Let me walk you home.

I know I sound hopeless,

But let me hold your hands 

like we were kids again.

I know deep within you

That you share these feelings

That I so strongly feel

And would hold onto

Without ever letting you go.

I know that you feel my eyes

You know that I am watching,

You know that I am waiting,

You know that I am hopeless

Yes, that I am wildly in love

With you…

But I will walk you home,

Even if it is this one time.

I will hold your hands 

And let them swing by as we walk.

I do not care, I just love you.

While we are young…

I have become so fond of her,

Growing up together and 

Making lots of memories

That have stayed with me always.

She always loved me,

I knew that and I know

That she is my person.

Then why do I feel this way

Whenever she is around me.

It never was like this,

Where did my innocence go to?

Suddenly seeing her causes me agony

Because I long for more 

Than she might give to me.

But she has not changed at all

And I do not think she knows this

But I am in love with her.

Sleepless Nights

If I were to speak honestly like you asked,

If I were to pour out my thoughts to you, 

Would you be honest too?

Would you stay here with me?

But here you are with no emotions 

No empathy towards me anymore,

Yet you lie so flawlessly and I trip.

Now, I began to question my heart

Why do you demand I speak honestly?

Why do you ask I pour my thoughts out?

Is this really worth it?

Do I really belong to you?

Am I really blinded,

Or am I just playing dumb

So that you stay here with me even for a minute?

Clouded

She makes me worry,

Like she was confused always.

Did she want me or not?

Honestly I thought we were better,

Like we were different.

We had direction, it was a vibe.

But then I just realized

Those were my thoughts,

White and pure with honesty.

She was different,

She was not any better.

It was the wrong vibe again!

So I am stuck with these thoughts 

That would never go away

That just torment me all over,

Just until I begin to cry.

We Had Today

In our hands, like we knew the routes.

We could have gone a long way

Like a mile or many decades ahead,

But we chose to be safe.

We wasted today!

Although we were in control,

We sat and watched the other

Love another willingly.

Maybe you did not want today

But I did, so I am still here.

I am not moving, not loving

Not doing any growing up.

I am just letting these days go by

Hoping that I would have another day

With you again and hoping that

We will have that day together

Like we had today .

And that day, I could hold you, love you

I could tell you all about my today.

I could tell you, we also had today.

Tipsy stars

A bottle of red, a burnt berry finish

But I feel lighter almost floating away

From being blue in my cloudy sky

Filled with warm tears ready to spill

At any moment and if I had to wait

Any longer to get her text back.

That red filling my veins 

Making new plots in my system

Taking control of my limbs

And without a fight, they obey just typing.

I watched my views double and triple 

And slowly I lay my well hydrated soul.

I lay all my hopes and tears right there

Collapsing into space ready for a new start.